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A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present "Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements, the following received the most votes:
1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many."
The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help."
The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the 'Seven Wonders of the World' are:"
1. To See
2. To Hear
3. To Touch
4. To Taste
5. To Feel
6. To Laugh
7. To Love
The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that we take for granted are truly wondrous!
A gentle reminder -- that the most precious things in life cannot be built by hand or bought by man.
Submitted by Bob, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
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"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
"I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years.
If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass.
Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend.
The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
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A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message,"Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
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"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov 17:22a)
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Give me a sense of humor, Lord, give me the grace to see a joke,to get some humor out of life, and pass it on to other folk.
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The above were all submitted by Karen, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
Abou Ben Adhem
by Leigh Hunt (1784- 1859)
Abou Ben Adhem (may his tribe increase!)
Awoke one night from a deep dream of peace,
And saw, within the moonlight of his room,
Making it rich, and like a lily in bloom,
An angel writing in a book of gold: -
Exceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold,
And to the presence in the room he said,
‘What writest thou?’ The vision raised its head,
And with a look made of all sweet accord,
Answered ‘The names of those who love the Lord.’
‘And is mine one?’ said Abou. ‘Nay, not so,’
Replied the angel. Abou spoke more low,
But cheerily still; and said ‘I pray thee then,
Write me as one that loves his fellow-men.’
The angel wrote, and vanished. The next night
It came again with a great wakening light,
And showed the names whose love of God had blessed,
And lo! Ben Adhem’s name led all the rest!
Submitted by Pat, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
Today's Prayer
Dear Lord,
So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy; grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I'm very thankful for that.
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed. And from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot more help.
Amen
Submitted by Peggy, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
The Birthday Present
A teenage boy was going to turn 16 in three months. He went to his father and asked him if he could have a car for his birthday.
His dad said, "First your hair is entirely too long. You need to get it cut. Secondly, your grades leave a lot to be desired. You really need to bring them up to at least a C+. Finally, you need to spend more time reading the Bible. You take care of those 3 things and then we'll talk about a car."
Three months later, it is the boy's 16th birthday. He comes to his dad and asks again about the car.
His dad says, "Well son, I am really happy about how well you are doing in school. You have a B average. And you have been keeping up with your daily Bible readings. However, you have not cut your hair."
The boy says, "Dad, I have been reading the Bible and I have learned quite a few things. For one thing, I have learned that both Moses and Jesus had long hair. I think that if long hair was good enough for Moses and Jesus, it ought to be good enough for me."
His dad replied, "You know son, You are right about Moses and Jesus both having long hair, but if you remember from your Bible readings, Moses and Jesus both walked everywhere they went!"
Submitted by Elizabeth, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
20.00 Bill
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the twenty-dollar bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air. "Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air. My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.
Submitted by Peggy, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
A Deck of Cards
This is a story about a soldier in the North Africa Campaign in World War II. After heavy fighting, the man returned to camp. The next day being Sunday, the Chaplain had set up church service. The men were asked to take out their Bibles or Prayer Books. The Chaplain noticed one soldier looking at a deck of cards. After service, he was taken by the Chaplain to see the Major. The Chaplain explained to the Major what he had seen. The major told the young soldier he would have to punished if he could not explain himself. The young soldier told the Major that during the battle, he had neither a Bible or a Prayer Book so he would use his deck of cards and explained:
"You see, Sir, when I look at the Ace, it tells me that there is one God and no other. When I see the "2", it reminds me that there are two parts of the Bible, the OLD TESTAMENT and the NEW TESTAMENT. The "3" tells me of the TRINITY: GOD, THE FATHER, GOD, THE SON, and GOD, THE HOLY SPIRIT. The "4" reminds me of the FOUR GOSPELS: MATTHEW, MARK, LUKE AND JOHN. When I see the "5", it tells me of the FIVE UNWISE VIRGINS who were lost and that FIVE were saved. The "6" makes me mindful that GOD CREATED THE EARTH IN JUST SIX DAYS, and God said it was good. When I see the "7", it reminds me that GOD RESTED ON THE SEVENTH DAY. As I look at the "8", it reminds me that GOD DESTROYED ALL LIFE BY WATER EXCEPT FOR EIGHT PEOPLE, Noah, his wife, their three sons, and their three son's wives. When I see the "9", I think of the NINE LEPERS that God healed. There were ten lepers in all, but only one stopped to thank him. The "10" reminds me of the TEN COMMANDMENTS carved in stone by the hand of God. The "JACK" makes me remember the Prince of Darkness. Like a roaring lion, he devours those that he can. When I look at the "QUEEN", I see the BLESSED VIRGIN MARY, MOTHER OF JESUS. As I look at the last card, "THE KING", it reminds me that JESUS IS THE LORD OF LORDS and KING OF KINGS! There are 365 spots on a deck of cards, and that is the number of days in each year. There are 52 cards to a deck and that is the number of weeks in a year. There are 12 picture cards and that is the number of months in a year. There are 4 different suits in a deck and that is the number of seasons in a year."
"And so," the young soldier then said to the Major, "You see, Sir, that my intentions were honorable. My deck of cards serves as my BIBLE, my PRAYER BOOK, and my ALMANAC." A deck of cards should most importantly remind us that we need JESUS 365 days, 52 weeks and 12 months a year and that we should always PRAY "4" others.
May you never look at a deck of cards the same way.
Submitted by Holly, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
He Is!
He is the First and Last,
The Beginning and the End!
He is the keeper of Creation
and the Creator of all!
He is the Architect of the Universe
and the Manager of all times.
He always was, He always is,
and He always will be . . .
Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated,
and never Undone!
He was bruised and brought healing!
He was pierced and eased pain!
He was persecuted and brought freedom!
He was dead and brought life!
He is risen and brings power!
He reigns and brings Peace!
The world can't understand him,
The armies can't defeat Him,
The schools can't explain Him,
and the leaders can't ignore Him.
Herod couldn't kill Him,
The Pharisees couldn't confuse Him, and
The people couldn't hold Him!
Nero couldn't crush Him,
Hitler couldn't silence Him,
The New Age can't replace Him,
and non-believers can't explain Him away!
He is Light,
Love, Longevity, and Lord.
He is Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness,
and God.
He is Holy, Righteous, Mighty, Powerful,
and Pure.
His ways are right,
His Word is eternal,
His will is unchanging,
and His mind is on me!
He is my Redeemer,
He is my Savior,
He is my Guide, and
He is my Peace!
He is my Joy,
He is my Comfort,
He is my Lord, and
He rules my life!
I serve Him because His bond is love,
His burden is light,
and His goal for me is abundant life.
I follow Him because He is the Wisdom of the wise,
The Power of the powerful, the Ancient of Days,
The Ruler of rulers, the Leader of leaders,
The Overseer of the overcomers,
and the Sovereign Lord of all that was, and is
and is to come.
And if that seems impressive to you,
try this for size . . .
His goal is a relationship with me!
He will NEVER leave me,
NEVER forsake me,
NEVER mislead me,
NEVER forget me,
NEVER overlook me,
and NEVER cancel my appointment in His appointment book!
When I fall, He lifts me up!
When I fail, He forgives!
When I am weak, He is strong!
When I am lost, He is the way!
When I am afraid, He is my courage!
When I stumble, He steadies me!
When I am hurt, He heals me!
When I am broken, He mends me!
When I am blind, He leads me!
When I am hungry, He feeds me!
When I face trials, He is with me!
When I face persecution, He shields me!
When I face loss, He provides for me!
When I face Death, He carries me Home!
He is everything for everybody,
Everywhere, every time, and every way.
He is God!
He is Faithful.
I am His, and He is mine!
May Grace and Peace be multiplied unto you.
When the devil brings up your past,
bring up his future!
"And the devil, who deceived them,
was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur,
where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown.
They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever." Revelation 20:10
Submitted by Karen, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
Be A Lively Christian
A man once told a pastor that he wanted to become a member of the church. "But", he said, "I'm very busy, so don't ask me to join a committee, teach a class or sing in the choir. Spare me from anything that would take up my time, and don't be surprised if I'm not in worship very often."
The pastor thought for a moment, and then replied, "I believe you're at the wrong church. The church you're looking for is 10 blocks down the street."
The man followed the pastor's directions and soon came to an abandoned, boarded-up church building. It was a dead church - out of business.
May each of us always be alive to the ministry of the Lord's church. Remember that lively Christians make churches that are alive!
Submitted by Larry, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA - reprinted from The Newsletter
God's Alphabet
"I AM too blessed to be stressed!" The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything. Love and peace be with you forever. Amen.
Submitted by anonymous
Thinking of going south? Fly Lutheran Air!
Fly Lutheran Air - The no frills airline you have been waiting for!
All meals are potluck. Rows 1-6 bring rolls; 7-15 bring a salad; 16-21 bring a main dish; and 22-30 bring a dessert.
Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft.
Everyone is responsible for his/her own luggage.
All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met.
Submitted by Dawn, friend of St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
How the Substitute Became the Regular Organist
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.
The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, We are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star-Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
Submitted by Dawn, friend of St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
Hymns For All Things
The Dentist's Hymn:........... Crown Him with Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn......... There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
The Contractor's Hymn:........ The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn:............ Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn:............ There's a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn:........ Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn:....... Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn:......... I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn:.. ......... Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn:....... Send The Light
The Shopper's Hymn:........... Sweet By and By
The Realtor's Hymn:........... I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn... He Touched Me
The Doctor's Hymn:............ The Great Physician
AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
-----45mph...........God Will Take Care of You
-----55mph...........Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
-----65mph...........Nearer My God To Thee
-----75mph...........Nearer Still Nearer
-----85mph...........This World Is Not My Home
-----95mph...........Lord, I'm Coming Home
-----Over 100mph.....Precious Memories
Submitted by Dawn, friend of St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
Little Lutheran Kid joke
Ok, so these kids all went to a religious camp where all different religions go and they were each asked to bring something that represents their religion.
The first girl said "Well, I'm Catholic, so I brought my rosary."
The second boy said "Well, I'm Jewish, so I brought the star of David."
The third little kid said "Well, I'm Lutheran, so I brought a casserole!"
Submitted by Deanna, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
Light Bulb joke
Q: How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None! Lutherans don't like to change ;)
Submitted by Pastor Carl, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
Hand-Drawn Digital Clock (no joke)
Check this out!
Every now and again there comes along a graphic so good that it just blows
you away.
The University of Poland science students have finally finished their
digital clock they have been working on for 4 years. Go to this site to see
the results: http://www.yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html
Wait for it to load. This is a real clock, and it's accurate. And check the
time too!
Submitted by Larry, St. Luke's Lutheran Church, Sacramento, CA
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